I have bad news, everyone. There's still 101 days left of wall-to-wall politics and election coverage. Here to help you sort through the mess is me! your friend Lexie, here to try to give you a guide to all this madness.

This post serves a few purposes. One is to help you figure out what exactly is going on. The second is to help you take all the thoughts and feelings you have pent up inside of you and channel them into taking action. And finally, I'm going to try to encourage everyone engage in reasonable and effective political debates, which is really difficult.

I've seen this come up a few times on social media and around the things: people making impassioned posts about how we CANNOT, we MUST NOT etc. etc. but they just don't know HOW. I'm here to talk to you about what you can actually do! It's very exciting.

So the primaries. Yeah, they're pretty screwy. I've spent probably more time than is healthy following them religiously over the past several months, so here I present you with a one-stop guide to what the fuck is going on. Enjoy!

[Disclaimer: I'm only dealing with the Democratic primaries here, because I don't know as much about the Republican ones. I think they're winner-take-all or something... and McCain is winning right now. And that's about it. So yes, donkey power.]

Once upon a time, about every four years or so, several members from the Democratic party decide that they want to be the next president. "Hell," they say to themselves, "whoever that last bozo was has really screwed things up. I'm clearly the best person to make it all better!" And then everybody looks at them strangely, because they clearly have taken crazy pills to want to take on this sort of responsibility. But what the hell, it's worth a shot, right?

Think Like A Campaigner With Lexie (or: Sure, but what can I do?)

Lexie Tries to Explain the Primaries (circa 2008)